A Marriage Made in Heaven

treeplanter

Active member
Reverend Tree:
"Do you, Steve, take this man, Stiggy, to be your awful wedded husband? To have and to hold? To love and to cherish? To honor and obey? For richer, for poorer? In sickness and in health? For as long as you both shall live? Til death do you part?"

SteveB:
crickets...

Rev Tree:
"Say I DO, Steve"

SteveB:
"I already did"

Rev Tree:
"When?"

SteveB:
"Earlier - hundreds of times"

Rev Tree:
"Well, I don't actually think that's true, but just say I DO, now"

SteveB:
"Why should I? I've already said I DO hundreds of times and you ignored me"

Rev Tree:
"Alright, Steve - you win - you've said I DO hundreds of times and I ignored you then, but I need for you, now, to say I DO so that we can get on with the ceremony"

SteveB:
"I already did, but here is a meaningless bible verse for you:
Joshua 19:11-13

Going west it ran to Maralah, touched Dabbesheth, and extended to the ravine near Jokneam. It turned east from Sarid toward the sunrise to the territory of Kisloth Tabor and went on to Daberath and up to Japhia. Then it continued eastward to Gath Hepher and Eth Kazin; it came out at Rimmon and turned toward Neah

Rev Tree:
"Alright, Steve, alright - we'll just come back to you..."

Rev Tree:
"Do you, Stiggy, take this man Steve to be your awful wedded husband?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"I DO"

Rev Tree:
"To have and to hold?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"I DO"

Rev Tree:
"To love and to cherish?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"I DO"

Rev Tree:
"To honor and obey?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"I DON'T"

Rev Tree:
"For richer, for poorer?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"I DO"

Rev Tree:
"In sickness and in health?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"I DON'T"

Rev Tree:
"For as long as you both shall live?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"I DO"

Rev Tree:
"Til death do you part?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"I DON'T"

Rev Tree:
"Which is it, Stigs? You DO or you DON'T?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"Correct"

Rev Tree:
"No, Stiggy - it has to be one or the other - either you DO or you DON'T and, so far, you have answered both"

Stiggy wiggy:
"Where did I answer both? Prove that I answered both, liar!"

Rev Tree:
"I asked you if you will take Steve as your awful wedded husband for as long as you both shall live and you said "I DO""

Stiggy Wiggy:
"Correct - And yet I didn't"

Rev Tree:
"Then I asked you if you will take Steve as your awful wedded husband til death do you part and you answered "I DON'T""

Stiggy wiggy:
"Why are you repeating yourself, rerun? Prove that I said that it's not immoral of Steve to drown babies three days before our wedding!"



Meanwhile, chatter from the impatient wedding guests...

Furion/James the Lesser:
"Words are meaningless - these vows are feckless and wimpy"

CrowCross:
"Steve and Stiggy are among God's elect - chosen by Him to take the vows"

Bob Carabbio:
"Man made vows don't mean spit"

Ferengi:
"Unsupported"

Authentic Nouveau:
"Stalin"

Mike McK/War Eagle:
"That Rev Tree insulted me after I called him an ***hole, I'm outta here!"
 
I'm going to be absolutely honest with you here, Tree. I only read about a third of your OP, because I felt my IQ being diminished with every paragraph I read, not to mention the painful vicarious embarrassment that I suffered before giving up on it.

It's like a third grader picked up a copy of Mad Magazine, and thought, "hey, I can do this thing they call satire, looks easy."

CRINGE!!!!!
 

treeplanter

Active member
I'm going to be absolutely honest with you here, Tree. I only read about a third of your OP, because I felt my IQ being diminished with every paragraph I read, not to mention the painful vicarious embarrassment that I suffered before giving up on it.

It's like a third grader picked up a copy of Mad Magazine, and thought, "hey, I can do this thing they call satire, looks easy."

CRINGE!!!!!
And yet it is a spot on assessment of what a conversation with the CARM regulars is really like
 

Gus Bovona

Member
Reverend Tree:
"Do you, Steve, take this man, Stiggy, to be your awful wedded husband? To have and to hold? To love and to cherish? To honor and obey? For richer, for poorer? In sickness and in health? For as long as you both shall live? Til death do you part?"

SteveB:
crickets...

Rev Tree:
"Say I DO, Steve"

SteveB:
"I already did"

Rev Tree:
"When?"

SteveB:
"Earlier - hundreds of times"

Rev Tree:
"Well, I don't actually think that's true, but just say I DO, now"

SteveB:
"Why should I? I've already said I DO hundreds of times and you ignored me"

Rev Tree:
"Alright, Steve - you win - you've said I DO hundreds of times and I ignored you then, but I need for you, now, to say I DO so that we can get on with the ceremony"

SteveB:
"I already did, but here is a meaningless bible verse for you:
Joshua 19:11-13

Going west it ran to Maralah, touched Dabbesheth, and extended to the ravine near Jokneam. It turned east from Sarid toward the sunrise to the territory of Kisloth Tabor and went on to Daberath and up to Japhia. Then it continued eastward to Gath Hepher and Eth Kazin; it came out at Rimmon and turned toward Neah

Rev Tree:
"Alright, Steve, alright - we'll just come back to you..."

Rev Tree:
"Do you, Stiggy, take this man Steve to be your awful wedded husband?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"I DO"

Rev Tree:
"To have and to hold?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"I DO"

Rev Tree:
"To love and to cherish?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"I DO"

Rev Tree:
"To honor and obey?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"I DON'T"

Rev Tree:
"For richer, for poorer?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"I DO"

Rev Tree:
"In sickness and in health?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"I DON'T"

Rev Tree:
"For as long as you both shall live?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"I DO"

Rev Tree:
"Til death do you part?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"I DON'T"

Rev Tree:
"Which is it, Stigs? You DO or you DON'T?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"Correct"

Rev Tree:
"No, Stiggy - it has to be one or the other - either you DO or you DON'T and, so far, you have answered both"

Stiggy wiggy:
"Where did I answer both? Prove that I answered both, liar!"

Rev Tree:
"I asked you if you will take Steve as your awful wedded husband for as long as you both shall live and you said "I DO""

Stiggy Wiggy:
"Correct - And yet I didn't"

Rev Tree:
"Then I asked you if you will take Steve as your awful wedded husband til death do you part and you answered "I DON'T""

Stiggy wiggy:
"Why are you repeating yourself, rerun? Prove that I said that it's not immoral of Steve to drown babies three days before our wedding!"



Meanwhile, chatter from the impatient wedding guests...

Furion/James the Lesser:
"Words are meaningless - these vows are feckless and wimpy"

CrowCross:
"Steve and Stiggy are among God's elect - chosen by Him to take the vows"

Bob Carabbio:
"Man made vows don't mean spit"

Ferengi:
"Unsupported"

Authentic Nouveau:
"Stalin"

Mike McK/War Eagle:
"That Rev Tree insulted me after I called him an ***hole, I'm outta here!"
You've been talking with them for too long. ; )
 

Whatsisface

Active member
Reverend Tree:
"Do you, Steve, take this man, Stiggy, to be your awful wedded husband? To have and to hold? To love and to cherish? To honor and obey? For richer, for poorer? In sickness and in health? For as long as you both shall live? Til death do you part?"

SteveB:
crickets...

Rev Tree:
"Say I DO, Steve"

SteveB:
"I already did"

Rev Tree:
"When?"

SteveB:
"Earlier - hundreds of times"

Rev Tree:
"Well, I don't actually think that's true, but just say I DO, now"

SteveB:
"Why should I? I've already said I DO hundreds of times and you ignored me"

Rev Tree:
"Alright, Steve - you win - you've said I DO hundreds of times and I ignored you then, but I need for you, now, to say I DO so that we can get on with the ceremony"

SteveB:
"I already did, but here is a meaningless bible verse for you:
Joshua 19:11-13

Going west it ran to Maralah, touched Dabbesheth, and extended to the ravine near Jokneam. It turned east from Sarid toward the sunrise to the territory of Kisloth Tabor and went on to Daberath and up to Japhia. Then it continued eastward to Gath Hepher and Eth Kazin; it came out at Rimmon and turned toward Neah

Rev Tree:
"Alright, Steve, alright - we'll just come back to you..."

Rev Tree:
"Do you, Stiggy, take this man Steve to be your awful wedded husband?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"I DO"

Rev Tree:
"To have and to hold?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"I DO"

Rev Tree:
"To love and to cherish?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"I DO"

Rev Tree:
"To honor and obey?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"I DON'T"

Rev Tree:
"For richer, for poorer?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"I DO"

Rev Tree:
"In sickness and in health?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"I DON'T"

Rev Tree:
"For as long as you both shall live?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"I DO"

Rev Tree:
"Til death do you part?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"I DON'T"

Rev Tree:
"Which is it, Stigs? You DO or you DON'T?"

Stiggy wiggy:
"Correct"

Rev Tree:
"No, Stiggy - it has to be one or the other - either you DO or you DON'T and, so far, you have answered both"

Stiggy wiggy:
"Where did I answer both? Prove that I answered both, liar!"

Rev Tree:
"I asked you if you will take Steve as your awful wedded husband for as long as you both shall live and you said "I DO""

Stiggy Wiggy:
"Correct - And yet I didn't"

Rev Tree:
"Then I asked you if you will take Steve as your awful wedded husband til death do you part and you answered "I DON'T""

Stiggy wiggy:
"Why are you repeating yourself, rerun? Prove that I said that it's not immoral of Steve to drown babies three days before our wedding!"



Meanwhile, chatter from the impatient wedding guests...

Furion/James the Lesser:
"Words are meaningless - these vows are feckless and wimpy"

CrowCross:
"Steve and Stiggy are among God's elect - chosen by Him to take the vows"

Bob Carabbio:
"Man made vows don't mean spit"

Ferengi:
"Unsupported"

Authentic Nouveau:
"Stalin"

Mike McK/War Eagle:
"That Rev Tree insulted me after I called him an ***hole, I'm outta here!"
Spot on.
 
Have to admit, some of these were pretty good, TP. But you forgot one:

Treeplanter: "Of course I'm the Reverend, because I'm more moral than God. :)"
 

treeplanter

Active member
Have to admit, some of these were pretty good, TP. But you forgot one:

Treeplanter: "Of course I'm the Reverend, because I'm more moral than God. :)"
Touche

To be fair, though, I have been consistent in asserting that most every man is morally superior to God
 
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