Dealing With A Mental Illness

[splash]

I have a mental illness (Dissociative Identity Disorder) and I have no support in my country. The father of my children blames me for making him stay 5 and 1/2 years with me. This is because I am unable to function normally like other people such as getting a steady job. My sister also blames me for this. Other people as well do not understand and they treat me badly.

One of the memories I have of abuse is my uncle (the brother of my adoptive parents), I left home and basically was wondering around on my own, he got angry and said that I should stop this foolishness especially at my age. He then proceeded to take a big iron chain that one used to secure a gate with a lock and he proceeded to hit me repeatedly on my head with it in full view of my mother. Then I remember being in the bathroom sitting down, I locked the door because I wanted to be alone and was traumatized. My mother then knocked on the bathroom door and said my uncle wanted to talk to me on the phone, I opened the door took the phone and he then apologized for what he did to me.

This is just one of the memories I have of abuse. Please keep me in your prayers.

 

[John t]

Hello, Splash.

Welcome to CARM

I am truly sorry for the evils you endured.

The first thing you need to understand is that you are an abuse survivor, and that Dissociative Identity Disorder is most often the result of ritualized sexual abuse.

The second thing that you need to understand is having a proper label for your situation is the first step in the sometimes-long recovery process.

Knowing your specific situation, and how you got where you are now is important. For example, your alters came about as protection from your abuses whereby you had an "out-of-body experience" that mentally took you out of the ongoing physical/sexual abuse. Your mind led you to "see someone else" rather than yourself who was being abused. That is where the dissociative part comes in

For sure, you need mental health help from a professional and also from an evangelical pastor who knows about the spiritual nature of DID.

If that is not possible, then you should do a web search on that from a Christian organization to get the help you certainly need..

 

[splash]

Thank you for responding. I have a difficult time finding anyone who can help. I was used in Satanic Ritualistic Abuse, Mind Control Programming and I am also a victim of human trafficking. There is not a lot of people apparently who can really help me or who really want to help me.

I also wanted to clarify that it is my adoptive mother youngest brother who did the above to me. I also remember seeing my adoptive father using something like an animal whip (like a circus whip) it was black in color and extremely long. He was threatening to beat me, which I think he ended up doing, I don't remember. This was done in the presence of a good number of persons includes his two sisters who are alive and also his co workers.

Sometimes I do feel pains on my back as if I have been whipped several times.

Also I remember my adoptive mother's (not my biological mother) youngest brother giving me a blue substance. Whatever this substance is it was used to drug me. There are times I have been drugged and people don't realize it. When this happens I can hardly keep my eyes open, I can hardly speak, it is as if my entire body has been deprived of energy, and I just want to lay down.

 

[splash]

The thing about this entire situation is that both of my adoptive parents are great parents. They make sure I have food to eat, carry me to the doctor when I need to, carry me where I need to go, help me financially, they both are patient, kind and loving on the surface. They are model parents. It is the same thing with my uncle.

They act like completely normal parents, family members. This is the dynamic that I struggle with. One one hand I feel my parents love me, they treat me great, they are normal parents for the most part, and then there is a completely different side to them which is the complete opposite of this. Nobody would ever suspect that I was being trafficked, because on the surface, I have everything I need and want from my parents including love and support.

For most of my life I had no idea at all I was being trafficked. If somebody told me then that this was happening to me I would not believe them at all, because I seemed to have a fairly normal life.

 

[John t]

Thank you for your reply. I wanted to "digest the content" before I responded, hence my delay.

In one level, it matters little who your abusers/tormentors were. What you suffered was a huge violation of trust, and of your safety. Ssecurity were ripped from you by evil people. Your childhood innocence was abruptly terminated., and you had to deal with things for which you had no foundation nor appropriate age-level maturity.

As such, you suffered from a particularly insidious form of PTSD because unlike soldiers in combat, there was no safe alternative, no route of escape, and your abusers all threatened you in order to continue abusing you, and keep you quiet. The daunting truth of revealing your abuse is that because it happened over a long time, it is possible that your recovery may also take a long time, but do not let that stop you from doing a good thing: getting the help you need.

BTW I am certain from the way that you write that you have not imagined all that evil happening. It is as real as you are.

Where you live in the world depends on your ability to take legal actions against the perpetrators of your abuse. I am urging you to explore that avenue first. Legal matters can take time, but the penalties imposed by judges, etc may help you to fund your recovery.

If you are a veteran of the US armed forces, the Veterans Administration has many resources available. Going to them is important because if it is the case that you have a less-than-honorable discharge, and the legal avenue prevails to any degree, you may have the ability to get the help that any other veteran can get.

If that option is not available, and that you are in the USA there may be county or state agencies to help you in the time of your need. It is not a red stain on your body if you seek help. It is a good thing to seek help because you are admitting to yourself, and to those who love you that you properly esteem yourself and no longer the abuse to wrap its body around you and smother you as does a boa constrictor. The ultimate aim of abuse is the death of the victim. You need to see it, comprehend it, and simultaneously hate the abuse that wanted to personally kill you. Can you grasp that series of pictures?

I am stopping here because I do not want to overwhelm you with too many ideas that you feel incapable of beginning something beneficial.

But at the same time, I am urging you to pray earnestly about your abuse, and healing from it. The God of the Bible is a good, good God. While he permitted that abuse, and it is ultimately for his glory, and your healing, He remains sovereign over everything that happened. From personal experience, I can state that there were times that as I was sitting on His lap, I wanted to break His legs with many kicks, I was that angry; and more.

The truth behind doing that is that God knows you. He uniquely cares for you and loves you. No matter how many times you try to break His legs with well-placed kicks, He will never let you out of His firmly holding loving arms. Uniquely, above all other created being on this Earth, His image is indelibly stamped upon you. That is what makes humanity unique. That is the hope we have as Christians for healing

Just had this idea. In a search engine type "celebrate recovery" and your zip/postal code. Find the closest one. CR is a Christ-centered 12 step recovery program. It is world wide, a ministry of the Saddleback Church in California then go to the next meeting, K?

I'll see you when you respond.

 

[splash]

Thank you for your reply. I wanted to "digest the content" before I responded, hence my delay.

In one level, it matters little who your abusers/tormentors were. What you suffered was a huge violation of trust, and of your safety. Ssecurity were ripped from you by evil people. Your childhood innocence was abruptly terminated., and you had to deal with things for which you had no foundation nor appropriate age-level maturity.

As such, you suffered from a particularly insidious form of PTSD because unlike soldiers in combat, there was no safe alternative, no route of escape, and your abusers all threatened you in order to continue abusing you, and keep you quiet. The daunting truth of revealing your abuse is that because it happened over a long time, it is possible that your recovery may also take a long time, but do not let that stop you from doing a good thing: getting the help you need.

BTW I am certain from the way that you write that you have not imagined all that evil happening. It is as real as you are.

Where you live in the world depends on your ability to take legal actions against the perpetrators of your abuse. I am urging you to explore that avenue first. Legal matters can take time, but the penalties imposed by judges, etc may help you to fund your recovery.

If you are a veteran of the US armed forces, the Veterans Administration has many resources available. Going to them is important because if it is the case that you have a less-than-honorable discharge, and the legal avenue prevails to any degree, you may have the ability to get the help that any other veteran can get.

If that option is not available, and that you are in the USA there may be county or state agencies to help you in the time of your need. It is not a red stain on your body if you seek help. It is a good thing to seek help because you are admitting to yourself, and to those who love you that you properly esteem yourself and no longer the abuse to wrap its body around you and smother you as does a boa constrictor. The ultimate aim of abuse is the death of the victim. You need to see it, comprehend it, and simultaneously hate the abuse that wanted to personally kill you. Can you grasp that series of pictures?

I am stopping here because I do not want to overwhelm you with too many ideas that you feel incapable of beginning something beneficial.

But at the same time, I am urging you to pray earnestly about your abuse, and healing from it. The God of the Bible is a good, good God. While he permitted that abuse, and it is ultimately for his glory, and your healing, He remains sovereign over everything that happened. From personal experience, I can state that there were times that as I was sitting on His lap, I wanted to break His legs with many kicks, I was that angry; and more.

The truth behind doing that is that God knows you. He uniquely cares for you and loves you. No matter how many times you try to break His legs with well-placed kicks, He will never let you out of His firmly holding loving arms. Uniquely, above all other created being on this Earth, His image is indelibly stamped upon you. That is what makes humanity unique. That is the hope we have as Christians for healing

Just had this idea. In a search engine type "celebrate recovery" and your zip/postal code. Find the closest one. CR is a Christ-centered 12 step recovery program. It is world wide, a ministry of the Saddleback Church in California then go to the next meeting, K?

I'll see you when you respond.

For years I have been trying to get help, but because of the people involved are international high profile, nothing is done. I am in Jamaica, Jesus Christ showed me a politician saying to me that it would not end well if I keep on trying to pursue this matter. If I do not do what my father says, I will end up in a situation much much worst.

At this point in time, my biggest priority is to remember everything meaningful that has happened in my life, because I am unable to recognize my own children, unable to recognize people I should, and I am unable to function normally. I do not think that I will get any justice on earth.

 

[Fenuay]

I have a mental illness (Dissociative Identity Disorder) and I have no support in my country. The father of my children blames me for making him stay 5 and 1/2 years with me. This is because I am unable to function normally like other people such as getting a steady job. My sister also blames me for this. Other people as well do not understand and they treat me badly.

One of the memories I have of abuse is my uncle (the brother of my adoptive parents), I left home and basically was wondering around on my own, he got angry and said that I should stop this foolishness especially at my age. He then proceeded to take a big iron chain that one used to secure a gate with a lock and he proceeded to hit me repeatedly on my head with it in full view of my mother. Then I remember being in the bathroom sitting down, I locked the door because I wanted to be alone and was traumatized. My mother then knocked on the bathroom door and said my uncle wanted to talk to me on the phone, I opened the door took the phone and he then apologized for what he did to me.

This is just one of the memories I have of abuse. Please keep me in your prayers.

Hello! I am so sorry for the things you have been through. It is tough dealing with an illness be it mental or otherwise without having family abuse you and condemn you for it. I understand as I am chronically ill and in an abusive situation myself. I'm trying to get to a point that I can get out but it's tough and takes time and money! I will be praying for you and if you ever need someone to talk to my message box is open!

 

[Hark]

For years I have been trying to get help, but because of the people involved are international high profile, nothing is done. I am in Jamaica, Jesus Christ showed me a politician saying to me that it would not end well if I keep on trying to pursue this matter. If I do not do what my father says, I will end up in a situation much much worst.

At this point in time, my biggest priority is to remember everything meaningful that has happened in my life, because I am unable to recognize my own children, unable to recognize people I should, and I am unable to function normally. I do not think that I will get any justice on earth.

Hello! I am so sorry for the things you have been through. It is tough dealing with an illness be it mental or otherwise without having family abuse you and condemn you for it. I understand as I am chronically ill and in an abusive situation myself. I'm trying to get to a point that I can get out but it's tough and takes time and money! I will be praying for you and if you ever need someone to talk to my message box is open!

No matter what environment or dire inescapable situation, Jesus Christ is the help & escape in walking us through this valley of death.

Try reading the Psalms and you mat find yourself relating to the Psalmist per similar if not exactly the same situation. I do.

 

[John t]

Also I remember my adoptive mother's (not my biological mother) youngest brother giving me a blue substance. Whatever this substance is it was used to drug me. There are times I have been drugged and people don't realize it. When this happens I can hardly keep my eyes open, I can hardly speak, it is as if my entire body has been deprived of energy, and I just want to lay down.

Six months passed, and no reply from you. Whatever the reason, I surely hope that all is well with you.

This is also for @Fenuay

I've held back responding to you because I wanted to draw you out so you could understand yourself, and make necessary corrections that would result in better treatment for yourself. Part of my reason for doing this post is to alleviate some of the confusion I see in your posts.

The national Institute of Health says this about personality disorders:

Personality disorders are a group of mental illnesses. They involve long-term patterns of thoughts and behaviors that are unhealthy and inflexible. The behaviors cause serious problems with relationships and work. People with personality disorders have trouble dealing with everyday stresses and problems. They often have stormy relationships with other people.​

from https://medlineplus.gov/personalitydisorders.html​

What they do not say is that the personality disorder you say you have, DID is often the result of severe abuse, especially in the sexual area. In a church I pastored, I had a woman with DID, and her anecdotal history revealed that her dad hit her with a 2X4 board. She and her mother, who held seances in the home were both sexually provocative towards me. There is much more to this than I am revealing here. However, from what I do reveal, you know that my experiences with these women was genuine indicators of DID. BTW she was diagnosed by a pastor who was also a licensed psychologist.

With a person having DID, there is also a strong evil spiritual element attached. On the professional level, that is often ignored because it is "religious" and not "scientific". However, there are books on this in the Christian world., which I recommend you to read.

I post this in the hopes that some may see it, and then be able to get their much-needed help.