This is embarrassing of me to admit. I've gone back 7 times worst than before I found the church. I probably don't belong here. It's hard to really conceptualize without the full context of what I experienced during my time in the cult. I just feel empty now. Lonely. I eventually relapsed. I want to experience God in my life again. I haven't been praying. I feel ashamed. I feel as if I only pray when I want forgiveness but then I continue to sin.
This is embarrassing of me to admit. I've gone back 7 times worst than before I found the church. I probably don't belong here. It's hard to really conceptualize without the full context of what I experienced during my time in the cult. I just feel empty now. Lonely. I eventually relapsed. I want to experience God in my life again. I haven't been praying. I feel ashamed. I feel as if I only pray when I want forgiveness but then I continue to sin.
There is nothing to be embarrassed about because we all are born into sinful flesh that wages war against us. God is not sitting up in the sky waiting to bring the hammer down on you for your sins. Although he hates sin, he loves you. There will be a day for judgment but now is the time for salvation.
“God is love” (1John 4:16)
If you have received the free gift of the Holy Spirit, your sins have been completely forgiven. Jesus paid for all sins past present and future. God’s free gift of life restored is not by anything we have done, will do, or can do.
“For Christ also suffered for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God” (1 Peter 3:18).
“not by works done in righteousness, which we did ourselves, but according to his mercy he saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Ghost (Titus 3:5).
“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast” (Titus 3:8-9).
*“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). *“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Ro 5:8).
If you have only believed that you have restoration with God on the basis of what works you do or don’t do then you need to turn to Jesus for salvation. A person may be able to stop some sins by human will but real salvation comes from God’s work, not yours, which you trust in by faith. Only Jesus was perfect and the sacrifice had to be perfect. No one but Jesus could have done this.
Just how good are you anyway:
Romans 14:23 says, “whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.”
Who can measure up to that! Every thought, action, and word being from faith in God. If you try to measure us by works you will never feel loved by God because you will always come up short.
Do you think you can measure up to always having lived by what Jesus said when he declared, “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38This is the first and greatest commandment.
39And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
No one can, only Jesus.
If however, you put your trust in Jesus, abiding in His works for and through you, you will feel loved and the love of His Holy Spirit will work through you and lift you into perfect peace and joy. When a believer is living by His Spirit sin has no hold on them and their delight and desire is not in things of the flesh or world but in God and his ways and words.
The way out of sin is not a works and self-condemnation cycle, but it comes from abiding in Jesus and walking by His Holy Spirit by faith. If you are saved call on him for help and guidance. If not have faith in His work on the cross for you. If you feel you have no faith pray to Him, call on Him to help you in your weakness. He will hear and answer.
“Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing” (John 15:4-5).
“The weapons of our warfare are not the weapons of the world. Instead, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5We tear down arguments and every presumption set up against the knowledge of God; and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Co 10:5).
To abide in God’s Spirit continually pray without ceasing, praise and worship God from your heart (which you will do naturally when you understand His love and all He has done for you), read the bible, and practice taking every thought captive (this becomes easier when you stop focusing on your weakness in the flesh which was put to death and buried by faith in Jesus). Ask Him for help in all of this. Realize this is a spiritual warfare and when by faith you remember you are a new creation in Christ you will turn against the voices which are either of the flesh or are from spiritual enemies.
“Put on the full armor of God, so that you can make your stand against the devil’s schemes.
12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this world’s darkness, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Eph. 6:12).