Hyper is the only logically consistent Calvinism.
That's simply not true.
What is a compatibilistic "free will" that has no real power of choice on its own but is in one way or another completely determined,
Here is your error.
You conflate "choice" with "determination" (they are not the same thing).
And you conflate "choice" (a noun) with "choose" (a verb).
We have wills.
Because we have wills, we "choose" things (based on our wills).
We don't DETERMINE our wills, but we "choose" based on our wills.
Men are not "dragged, kicking and screaming against their will", wanting to be saved, and being condemned instead. No, they CHOOSE hell.
Men are not "dragged, kicking and screaming against their will", to be saved if they don't want to be. No, they CHOOSE to be saved.
If you agree that men have wills, you CANNOT deny that we "choose", based on those wills.
no matter how convolutely you phrase it like a snake oil salesman or something
Insulting ad hominem duly noted.