The Arborist Applies for a Job at a Lawn & Garden Nursery

stiggy wiggy

Well-known member
NURSERY HUMAN RESOURCE MANAGER: So, Mr. Planter. You wish to join our company to cultivate saplings.

ARBORIST: YES!

NHRM: We always like to ask our potential employees this question: "What do you see as your strong points and your weak points?"

ARB: WELL, AS FAR AS MY STRONG POINTS ............

NHRM: Please, sir, you don't need to yell.

ARB: NEED? DID YOU SAY NEED? DID I CAUSE YOU NEEDLESS SUFFERING?

NHRM: I just want to remind you that I'm sitting on the other side of this desk. I can hear you fine. Now about those strong points ......

ARB: Oh, sorry. My strong points; Well, I've never drowned a baby

NHRM: Pardon me??

ARB: You know, like God did

NHRM: Hmmm, OK, so you believe in God.

ARB: No

NHRM: But you believe He drowned babies?

ARB: Yes, I mean no

NHRM: Your strong point is that you haven't done something done by someone you also don't believe did? That's setting the bar rather low, isn't it?
Let's move on. Any other strong points?

ARB: That's about it. Oh yeah. I don't punctuate my sentences with periods

NHRM: Why is that? Are you a fan of ee cummings?

ARB: Who? Is that a Monty Python character? I'm a big fan

NHRM: Uh, never mind your weak points. That won't be needed.

ARB: NEEDED? Did you say they'd be UNNEEDED? That reminds me ...............

NHRM: I'll tell you what, sir. We'll keep your application on file. Thanks for your interest.
 
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Furion

Well-known member
lol

That was needlessly funny. Or funny needlessly.

Your hired arborist! Your office is in the basement, here is your red stapler, see you on payday.
 

shnarkle

Well-known member
NURSERY HUMAN RESOURCE MANAGER: So, Mr. Planter. You wish to join our company to cultivate saplings.

ARBORIST: YES!

NHRM: We always like to ask our potential employees this question: "What do you see as your strong points and your weak points?"

ARB: WELL, AS FAR AS MY STRONG POINTS ............

NHRM: Please, sir, you don't need to yell.

ARB: NEED? DID YOU SAY NEED? DID I CAUSE YOU NEEDLESS SUFFERING?

NHRM: I just want to remind you that I'm sitting on the other side of this desk. I can hear you fine. Now about those strong points ......

ARB: Oh, sorry. My strong points; Well, I've never drowned a baby

NHRM: Pardon me??

ARB: You know, like God did

NHRM: Hmmm, OK, so you believe in God.

ARB: No

NHRM: But you believe He drowned babies?

ARB: Yes, I mean no

NHRM: Your strong point is that you haven't done something done by someone you also don't believe did? That's setting the bar rather low, isn't it?
Let's move on. Any other strong points?

ARB: That's about it. Oh yeah. I don't punctuate my sentences with periods

NHRM: Why is that? Are you a fan of ee cummings?

ARB: Who? Is that a Monty Python character? I'm a big fan

NHRM: Uh, never mind your weak points. That won't be needed.

ARB: NEEDED? Did you say they'd be UNNEEDED? That reminds me ...............

NHRM: I'll tell you what, sir. We'll keep your application on file. Thanks for your interest.
You almost tempt me to view what the arborist is posting just to get the full effect, but I've ignored them for a very good reason. Sort of like keeping their application on file is a euphemism for it going straight into the trash.
 

stiggy wiggy

Well-known member
You almost tempt me to view what the arborist is posting just to get the full effect, but I've ignored them for a very good reason.

You don't miss much. I can summarize 90% of them over the last several years:

He doesn't believe God exists, but he nevertheless continually wags his finger at His supposed immorality for allowing babies to drown many millennia ago. He plans on doing this in hopes of "eradicating Christianity," but thus far, after all these years, I don't believe he has a single convert.
 

Authentic Nouveau

Well-known member
You almost tempt me to view what the arborist is posting just to get the full effect, but I've ignored them for a very good reason. Sort of like keeping their application on file is a euphemism for it going straight into the trash.
Don't call us, we will call you.
 

Arkycharlie

Active member
NURSERY HUMAN RESOURCE MANAGER: So, Mr. Planter. You wish to join our company to cultivate saplings.

ARBORIST: YES!

NHRM: We always like to ask our potential employees this question: "What do you see as your strong points and your weak points?"

ARB: WELL, AS FAR AS MY STRONG POINTS ............

NHRM: Please, sir, you don't need to yell.

ARB: NEED? DID YOU SAY NEED? DID I CAUSE YOU NEEDLESS SUFFERING?

NHRM: I just want to remind you that I'm sitting on the other side of this desk. I can hear you fine. Now about those strong points ......

ARB: Oh, sorry. My strong points; Well, I've never drowned a baby

NHRM: Pardon me??

ARB: You know, like God did

NHRM: Hmmm, OK, so you believe in God.

ARB: No

NHRM: But you believe He drowned babies?

ARB: Yes, I mean no

NHRM: Your strong point is that you haven't done something done by someone you also don't believe did? That's setting the bar rather low, isn't it?
Let's move on. Any other strong points?

ARB: That's about it. Oh yeah. I don't punctuate my sentences with periods

NHRM: Why is that? Are you a fan of ee cummings?

ARB: Who? Is that a Monty Python character? I'm a big fan

NHRM: Uh, never mind your weak points. That won't be needed.

ARB: NEEDED? Did you say they'd be UNNEEDED? That reminds me ...............

NHRM: I'll tell you what, sir. We'll keep your application on file. Thanks for your interest.
Love it!!!!
 

shnarkle

Well-known member
You don't miss much. I can summarize 90% of them over the last several years:

He doesn't believe God exists, but he nevertheless continually wags his finger at His supposed immorality for allowing babies to drown many millennia ago. He plans on doing this in hopes of "eradicating Christianity," but thus far, after all these years, I don't believe he has a single convert.
Have you noticed that the vast majority of those who deplore the immorality of fictional gods letting babies die, don't seem to have any problem allowing some 50 million babies be cut to pieces in their mother's womb just since Roe v. Wade? What is it about actual murder that they find so justifiable while getting completely bent over some fictional account that even points out that those people were "continually evil"?
 

stiggy wiggy

Well-known member
Have you noticed that the vast majority of those who deplore the immorality of fictional gods letting babies die, don't seem to have any problem allowing some 50 million babies be cut to pieces in their mother's womb just since Roe v. Wade? What is it about actual murder that they find so justifiable while getting completely bent over some fictional account that even points out that those people were "continually evil"?

Good post. The arborist defends killing babies in the womb, because he says he can't be sure they are "full fledged" persons.
 
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