The Bible and Divorce

[cjab]

Well, it takes two to tango, and God hasn't brought me anyone anyway. I'm content being alone.

That's a completely scriptural position.

As Jesus said of the Sabbath: the Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. Yet in failing to understand this, at the start of the Maccabean revolt against the infidels, at the beginning the Jews decide not to fight on the Sabbath. In consequence they were slaughtered when the infidels, knowing this, forced them to do it. Thereafter they changed their minds and fought in the Sabbath. I think Paul is saying something similar in 1 Cor 7.

https://digitalcommons.andrews.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=3400&context=auss

 

[CharismaticLady]

That's a completely scriptural position.

As Jesus said of the Sabbath: the Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. Yet in failing to understand this, at the start of the Maccabean revolt against the infidels, at the beginning the Jews decide not to fight on the Sabbath. In consequence they were slaughtered when the infidels, knowing this, forced them to do it. Thereafter they changed their minds and fought in the Sabbath. I think Paul is saying something similar in 1 Cor 7.

https://digitalcommons.andrews.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=3400&context=auss

And as you recall the seige against the city of Jericho, they were commanded to march around the city for seven days. That had to be over the Sabbath then too. But that is off topic, something they don't like us to do on this site.

Anyway, as far as remarriage. After my first divorce (of 2) when I was 33, I remember vividly driving to church and God speaking to me and saying, "would it be okay if you never had children?" (When God speaks to me, it is seared into me, and I never forget word for word.) I then figured He didn't want me to, and I being an only child and never having had anything to do with small children, I said, "Yes." It was decades later that I realized that God purposes children with marriage, and what He was really saying was to not remarry.

 

[cjab]

And as you recall the seige against the city of Jericho, they were commanded to march around the city for seven days. That had to be over the Sabbath then too. But that is off topic, something they don't like us to do on this site.

Anyway, as far as remarriage. After my first divorce (of 2) when I was 33, I remember vividly driving to church and God speaking to me and saying, "would it be okay if you never had children?" (When God speaks to me, it is seared into me, and I never forget word for word.) I then figured He didn't want me to, and I being an only child and never having had anything to do with small children, I said, "Yes." It was decades later that I realized that God purposes children with marriage, and what He was really saying was to not remarry.

I guess it must be personally traumatic to go through two divorces. However one must not confound revelations, or apparent revelations, with divine commands. For Hezekiah persuaded God to change his mind through prayer, when the prophet Isaiah told him he was going to die. 2 Kings 20:1-6. It may be that God was wanting to reveal something to you about yourself, in order to change you, like Hezekiah. Only at one point did Jesus' prayer fail, which was when he asked something that was contrary to what was ordained in scripture (Matt 26:39). So don't assume that anything that may appear "final" is final with God. Life is an evolving ongoing experience where nothing is certain except God's faithfulness.

As it happens I too am married to a woman who is an only child. And yes, at times I have to endure things (e.g. tantrums and sharing her with her parents) that I guess some men would not want to live with, which is partly down to her being an only child. However, I have learnt that keeping stedfast has its rewards. May be it's time to broaden your horizons (just a thought).

 

[CharismaticLady]

I guess it must be personally traumatic to go through two divorces. However one must not confound revelations, or apparent revelations, with divine commands. For Hezekiah persuaded God to change his mind through prayer, when the prophet Isaiah told him he was going to die. 2 Kings 20:1-6. It may be that God was wanting to reveal something to you about yourself, in order to change you, like Hezekiah. Only at one point did Jesus' prayer fail, which was when he asked something that was contrary to what was ordained in scripture (Matt 26:39). So don't assume that anything that may appear "final" is final with God. Life is an evolving ongoing experience where nothing is certain except God's faithfulness.

As it happens I too am married to a woman who is an only child. And yes, at times I have to endure things (e.g. tantrums and sharing her with her parents) that I guess some men would not want to live with, which is partly down to her being an only child. However, I have learnt that keeping stedfast has its rewards. May be it's time to broaden your horizons (just a thought).

I've never been the spoiled type of stereotipical "only child." I was always a giver, and still have a loving relationship with all my childhood girlfriends. It is liars I can't abide, and have never met a man, except for my father, that didn't lie. My two husbands were both cheaters and not only liars, but pathological liars.

 

[cjab]

I've never been the spoiled type of stereotipical "only child." I was always a giver, and still have a loving relationship with all my childhood girlfriends. It is liars I can't abide, and have never met a man, except for my father, that didn't lie. My two husbands were both cheaters and not only liars, but pathological liars.

And you met them at church? If so, what does it say about the moral integrity of your denomination? Are you still with the same one?

 

[CharismaticLady]

And you met them at church? If so, what does it say about the moral integrity of your denomination? Are you still with the same one?

Actually, I didn't meet either one at church.

 

[cjab]

Actually, I didn't meet either one at church.

After some bad experiences, I endeavoured to find a specifically Christian wife. At least she proved faithful.

 

[CharismaticLady]

After some bad experiences, I endeavoured to find a specifically Christian wife. At least she proved faithful.

That's nice. I would have liked to have been loved, but I was too impulsive and definitely married the worst men on the planet. There is nothing worse than a fake Christian. Nothing about them is honest.

 

[cjab]

That would be the curse of the modern trend to "secular Christianity" which is embraced by atheists such as Richard Dawkins. They hanker after the nostalgia and traditions and reputation of the church but are not part of it because their heart is in the world.

The secular State, by just by pretending to regulate marriage, but pointedly not regulating it according to its fundamental religious conception envisaged by Christ, is a primary offender in this. As marriage is a Christian institution handed down from Adam, so it ought to be regulated according to Christ-like principles. Marriage under the State is really a pagan ceremony/institution, notable only for its failure to enforce marital, contractual, and moral obligations; although prenups may be an exception nowadays.

Yet there is nothing to prevent the State regulating marriage profitably, as used to occur in days gone by. In China the divorce rate has recently decreased by 70% after measures were put in place to frustrate easy divorce. In India the divorce rate has always been very low, and it isn't a Christian country by any stretch. Unfortunately the USA is one of those many rich States with an entirely legalistic and unspiritual attitude to marriage and divorce.

 

[Truth_Faith2020]

If he is the one who left, why didn't he initiate the divorce and why didn't you wait until he did? Do you have children?

Yes we have children.

We both initiated the divorce in a way - he was the one to say he wanted a divorce and started the proceedings for mediation etc (Im based in UK and its a requirement for a divorce). In the UK to divorce within 2 years, one of you has to accept "the blame". We agreed in mediation that he would take the blame and as I wouldn't have to pay the application fees (but he would) I would be the petitioner to the courts.

So from general perspective he initiated the divorce but I applied for the legal paper work.

 

[Truth_Faith2020]

Why don't you want to get married again? Many people become depressed and lonely. First, you should dig into yourself and understand why doesn't want to get married. If you can't understand this then you need to read about this at https://breakupangels.com/couples-back-together-breakup/. Thanks to them, I could to sort out my feelings. I was also could to understand why I had conflicts with my husband. In short, you shouldn't be afraid to ask for help to solve these problems. We are all human beings, and we all need help.

I didnt say I never want to remarry.

 

[CharismaticLady]

Yes we have children.

We both initiated the divorce in a way - he was the one to say he wanted a divorce and started the proceedings for mediation etc (Im based in UK and its a requirement for a divorce). In the UK to divorce within 2 years, one of you has to accept "the blame". We agreed in mediation that he would take the blame and as I wouldn't have to pay the application fees (but he would) I would be the petitioner to the courts.

So from general perspective he initiated the divorce but I applied for the legal paper work.

Paperwork is earthly. He was an atheist and he is the one who already left you and your children in his heart. It appears from the little I know, you are not bound. If you both were Christians then that would be a different story.

 

[ManOfGod81]

I was married and my wife (ex-wife) wanted a divorce. No infidelity--just a lame "we've grown apart" reason.

I'm now remarried for 11 years with two kids. I keep being asked whether I know or not if I'm damned. I wonder if these people understand the gospel.

I just know this:

Christ rules all and is mighty to save.

Brother, I feel the same, I feel we’ve “grown apart” we were young when we married, now it’s been 21 years and intimacy is gone. She wants things that I don’t want to provide, and I want things she will not provide, so what do we do, “stick it out” like everyone suggests ??
I understand God’s word on the 2 allowances for divorce, my question is if she’s ( my wife) not giving herself to me, is that considered abandonment ??

 

[CharismaticLady]

Brother, I feel the same, I feel we’ve “grown apart” we were young when we married, now it’s been 21 years and intimacy is gone. She wants things that I don’t want to provide, and I want things she will not provide, so what do we do, “stick it out” like everyone suggests ??
I understand God’s word on the 2 allowances for divorce, my question is if she’s ( my wife) not giving herself to me, is that considered abandonment ??

No. Talk to her about why she doesn't want to have sex. What is she attracted to, and what turns her off. For me, I needed total honesty and warned him when we were dating to never lie to me. He not only told me a lie, but kept it up for 3 years. When he finally told me that he had lied and couldn't stand me bragging about him over what he knew was a lie, I became as a stone. I lost all respect for him. He turned out to be a pathological liar. Nothing he told me was the truth. So having respect and financial security are two big needs for every woman. I sure wish I could do it all over again and had not married him. But only sexual infidelity is cause for divorce between two Christians.

 

[CharismaticLady]

Divorce is legal, but where does it say that divorce means we can remarry? To me it just means separation is legal. We don't HAVE TO live with someone, but to marry another before your spouse is dead is not written anywhere.

Mark 10:11-12

 

[ManOfGod81]

No. Talk to her about why she doesn't want to have sex. What is she attracted to, and what turns her off. For me, I needed total honesty and warned him when we were dating to never lie to me. He not only told me a lie, but kept it up for 3 years. When he finally told me that he had lied and couldn't stand me bragging about him over what he knew was a lie, I became as a stone. I lost all respect for him. He turned out to be a pathological liar. Nothing he told me was the truth. So having respect and financial security are two big needs for every woman. I sure wish I could do it all over again and had not married him. But only sexual infidelity is cause for divorce between two Christians.

Thank you for responding, in my opinion intimacy isn’t just sex, it’s also the little things. There’s always orange juice in our fridge, I make it clear I Looooove pulp, after 20 years still no pulp 😕. Lol

 

[CharismaticLady]

Thank you for responding, in my opinion intimacy isn’t just sex, it’s also the little things. There’s always orange juice in our fridge, I make it clear I Looooove pulp, after 20 years still no pulp 😕. Lol

What? After 20 years you still haven't gone to the store yourself and bought some orange juice with pulp? Be sure to put your name on it, because once she tries it you won't get any. I love the pulp too. Once she sees that your family now has two people now having to go to the store, maybe she won't forget next time. And look around the store. You may want more things she hasn't shown you.

 

[Janice Bower]

And you met them at church? If so, what does it say about the moral integrity of your denomination? Are you still with the same one?

Are churches supposed to spy on all the members and never allow imperfect people who think they are Christians to attend?