Forgive me for condescending to analyze what you said
It's not condescension. This is a discussion forum, made to give people things to analyze and think-about or react-to.
but maybe because you are looking for God outside of yourself that you cannot find him.
I don't mean to be dismissive of the rest of your constructive post, but I looked - for more than two decades - without filters or expectations. Sure, in the beginning I though I knew what God was, and I looked for that specifically. However, after a while I basically just looked for ANYTHING.
I looked inside and out; I looked for one and many; I looked for supernatural and natural, western and eastern and something with no geographical reference whatsoever. I looked for alien and human, abstract and concrete, vociferous and silent. I looked for it all.
After two decades of doing this, there came a point at which further searching was nothing but a waste of time. I was ignoring the fact that I wasn't finding anything, in the hopes than failing to find something was part of the puzzle I was supposed to solve. The answer was pretty much staring me in the face: either god didn't want to be found, or there was nothing to find.
To this day I remain pretty open-minded about it all. I may indeed have failed where others succeeded, or missed something I should have seen. I could be completely wrong about what I failed to find - and I live with this prospect comfortably.
I know what I did, and I know how sincere and thorough I was about it all. Anyone who tells me I didn't look correctly or hard enough is just plain wrong. I mean that respectfully.