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What is love?

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  • What is love?

    Earlier this year I watched the final episode of The Bachelor. It had never crossed my mind to watch that show before, but after seeing the angry responses to the episode on Facebook, I had to go on Hulu and see what the drama was all about.

    For those of you who didn't see it or don't care, the final episode centered on a pilot named Jake who was forced to pick between two equally beautiful women with very different personalities. Jake and his two women were put on an island where he took turns going on dates with them to try and figure out who his "soulmate" was. Right towards the end as Jake is speaking in the third person about the decision he is about to make, he utters one of the most idiotic statement ever.

    "I am so in love with Tinsley, but...I am also sooo in love with Vienna."

    As I heard it, it occurred to me that Jake's mentality about love is right on track with what most people today think about romantic relationships. Love to most people is performance based. We live in a consumer culture where if you buy something you don't like, you can take it back. This mentality is applied to our relationships whether intentionally or not.

    True love, as I see it, is established in an exclusive relationship and is commitment based. Phony love is non-committal and is performance based. True love makes a choice to love someone even when they're not lovable. Phony love has nothing to do with a deliberate choice but is grounded in a feeling...as long as the relationship makes you feel good, it must be love. The moment it stops feeling good, it ceases to be love.

    The dating scene is largely performance based and is notoriously non-committal. Most singles look at a romantic relationship as a means of consumption rather than an expression of devotion to another person. Worldly love says, "I want to find someone who will make me happy." Love from above says "I want to find someone that I can pour myself into."

    As I look around my sphere of influence, and in my church, and on Facebook, and in society in general I see a whole lot of people who are jaded, bitter, and have more baggage than an airport terminal because they have bought the enemy's lie that they can find true love in a relationship that is performance based. When their lover fails to perform, they second guess everything they said about being in love and seek out another performer who will dance on one leg and put on the show they want to see.

    "I love you"...as long as you don't become boring.

    "I love you"...as long as the sex is great.

    "I love you"...as long as you make me look good in front of my friends.

    "I love you"...as long as you keep taking me on creative and exciting dates.

    "I love you"...as long as you make me feel like a heroine in a romance novel.

    "I love you"...as long as you keep yourself in shape.

    "I love you"...as long as the other guys keep envying me.

    And the list goes on and on. Meanwhile the divorce rate climbs higher and higher, and more and more couples choose to forgo marriage altogether in favor of living together without a commitment. And why not? We're a consumer culture. If you don't like something, you can take it back...and why would you buy something when you haven't test-driven it first?

    But what is true love? In the words of country artist Clint Black, "Love is not something that we have, it's something that we do." We don't necessarily love someone because of the emotions they evoke within us...our love is defined by our willingness to forbear with someone through the hardest times of the relationship. And more than merely forbear, but to bless them. To forgive them. To be committed to them.

    Commitment is the magic sauce that makes love work. Without commitment, you don't have love, you have a dog-and-pony show.

    And like all shows, eventually the show must go on. In the case of performance based relationship, "going on" means you move on to a different lover, who is bound to be unsatisfying just like all the rest since you're evaluating their worth to you by how well they perform up to your standards.

    Be committal!
    -----------------------

    "The less Holy Spirit we have, the more cake and coffee we need to keep the church going." - Reinhard Bonnke

  • #2
    i think true love is what we cant define..

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by squirrelyguy View Post
      Earlier this year I watched the final episode of The Bachelor. It had never crossed my mind to watch that show before, but after seeing the angry responses to the episode on Facebook, I had to go on Hulu and see what the drama was all about.

      For those of you who didn't see it or don't care, the final episode centered on a pilot named Jake who was forced to pick between two equally beautiful women with very different personalities. Jake and his two women were put on an island where he took turns going on dates with them to try and figure out who his "soulmate" was. Right towards the end as Jake is speaking in the third person about the decision he is about to make, he utters one of the most idiotic statement ever.

      "I am so in love with Tinsley, but...I am also sooo in love with Vienna."

      As I heard it, it occurred to me that Jake's mentality about love is right on track with what most people today think about romantic relationships. Love to most people is performance based. We live in a consumer culture where if you buy something you don't like, you can take it back. This mentality is applied to our relationships whether intentionally or not.

      True love, as I see it, is established in an exclusive relationship and is commitment based. Phony love is non-committal and is performance based. True love makes a choice to love someone even when they're not lovable. Phony love has nothing to do with a deliberate choice but is grounded in a feeling...as long as the relationship makes you feel good, it must be love. The moment it stops feeling good, it ceases to be love.

      The dating scene is largely performance based and is notoriously non-committal. Most singles look at a romantic relationship as a means of consumption rather than an expression of devotion to another person. Worldly love says, "I want to find someone who will make me happy." Love from above says "I want to find someone that I can pour myself into."

      As I look around my sphere of influence, and in my church, and on Facebook, and in society in general I see a whole lot of people who are jaded, bitter, and have more baggage than an airport terminal because they have bought the enemy's lie that they can find true love in a relationship that is performance based. When their lover fails to perform, they second guess everything they said about being in love and seek out another performer who will dance on one leg and put on the show they want to see.

      "I love you"...as long as you don't become boring.

      "I love you"...as long as the sex is great.

      "I love you"...as long as you make me look good in front of my friends.

      "I love you"...as long as you keep taking me on creative and exciting dates.

      "I love you"...as long as you make me feel like a heroine in a romance novel.

      "I love you"...as long as you keep yourself in shape.

      "I love you"...as long as the other guys keep envying me.

      And the list goes on and on. Meanwhile the divorce rate climbs higher and higher, and more and more couples choose to forgo marriage altogether in favor of living together without a commitment. And why not? We're a consumer culture. If you don't like something, you can take it back...and why would you buy something when you haven't test-driven it first?

      But what is true love? In the words of country artist Clint Black, "Love is not something that we have, it's something that we do." We don't necessarily love someone because of the emotions they evoke within us...our love is defined by our willingness to forbear with someone through the hardest times of the relationship. And more than merely forbear, but to bless them. To forgive them. To be committed to them.

      Commitment is the magic sauce that makes love work. Without commitment, you don't have love, you have a dog-and-pony show.

      And like all shows, eventually the show must go on. In the case of performance based relationship, "going on" means you move on to a different lover, who is bound to be unsatisfying just like all the rest since you're evaluating their worth to you by how well they perform up to your standards.

      Be committal!
      I guess that's why Paul says better to remain single
      "United We fall, Divided We Stand"

      Comment


      • #4
        God is love.... That's all I know... Never felt being loved anymore by a man for 10 years so I don't know.
        edit per mod

        Comment


        • #5
          Which type of love are we talking about here: storge, philia, eros or agape? I might agree that they all require commitment, but some more so than others.

          Comment


          • #6
            What a great post/thread OP!!

            Comment


            • #7
              The Bible rests on 2 commandments: Love God and love each other as you love yourself. We are taught that Jesus is the standard and who we are to strive to be like. We are also taught that we will never attain the degree of perfection that he has. Therefore, I say we will never ever truly learn to love another. We can get close to it dont get me wrong but we will never TRULY attain that level of love. The journey then, is what it is all about. If you find a boy/girl you like or perhaps love, then turn to God and ask Him to reveal the truth to you about that person. There are people in my life that I know it will be a burden for me to even acknowledge let alone love as I once (before I was saved) hated them deeply. But I will try as that is what God has commanded me to do. I know that is only attainable if the holy spirit plays a part in it as I, in my sinful fallen state, can never on my own love these individuals. Love is why we need God. Love is what makes us better people. Love is what the world needs. But I think too many people dont know what love is and that is why we are so lost in this world.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by squirrelyguy View Post
                What is love?
                Besides being a cliched topic for popular music?

                It is that thing that cares about one's neighbor in relation to God.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by squirrelyguy View Post
                  Earlier this year I watched the final episode of The Bachelor. It had never crossed my mind to watch that show before, but after seeing the angry responses to the episode on Facebook, I had to go on Hulu and see what the drama was all about.

                  For those of you who didn't see it or don't care, the final episode centered on a pilot named Jake who was forced to pick between two equally beautiful women with very different personalities. Jake and his two women were put on an island where he took turns going on dates with them to try and figure out who his "soulmate" was. Right towards the end as Jake is speaking in the third person about the decision he is about to make, he utters one of the most idiotic statement ever.

                  "I am so in love with Tinsley, but...I am also sooo in love with Vienna."

                  As I heard it, it occurred to me that Jake's mentality about love is right on track with what most people today think about romantic relationships. Love to most people is performance based. We live in a consumer culture where if you buy something you don't like, you can take it back. This mentality is applied to our relationships whether intentionally or not.

                  True love, as I see it, is established in an exclusive relationship and is commitment based. Phony love is non-committal and is performance based. True love makes a choice to love someone even when they're not lovable. Phony love has nothing to do with a deliberate choice but is grounded in a feeling...as long as the relationship makes you feel good, it must be love. The moment it stops feeling good, it ceases to be love.

                  The dating scene is largely performance based and is notoriously non-committal. Most singles look at a romantic relationship as a means of consumption rather than an expression of devotion to another person. Worldly love says, "I want to find someone who will make me happy." Love from above says "I want to find someone that I can pour myself into."

                  As I look around my sphere of influence, and in my church, and on Facebook, and in society in general I see a whole lot of people who are jaded, bitter, and have more baggage than an airport terminal because they have bought the enemy's lie that they can find true love in a relationship that is performance based. When their lover fails to perform, they second guess everything they said about being in love and seek out another performer who will dance on one leg and put on the show they want to see.

                  "I love you"...as long as you don't become boring.

                  "I love you"...as long as the sex is great.

                  "I love you"...as long as you make me look good in front of my friends.

                  "I love you"...as long as you keep taking me on creative and exciting dates.

                  "I love you"...as long as you make me feel like a heroine in a romance novel.

                  "I love you"...as long as you keep yourself in shape.

                  "I love you"...as long as the other guys keep envying me.

                  And the list goes on and on. Meanwhile the divorce rate climbs higher and higher, and more and more couples choose to forgo marriage altogether in favor of living together without a commitment. And why not? We're a consumer culture. If you don't like something, you can take it back...and why would you buy something when you haven't test-driven it first?

                  But what is true love? In the words of country artist Clint Black, "Love is not something that we have, it's something that we do." We don't necessarily love someone because of the emotions they evoke within us...our love is defined by our willingness to forbear with someone through the hardest times of the relationship. And more than merely forbear, but to bless them. To forgive them. To be committed to them.

                  Commitment is the magic sauce that makes love work. Without commitment, you don't have love, you have a dog-and-pony show.

                  And like all shows, eventually the show must go on. In the case of performance based relationship, "going on" means you move on to a different lover, who is bound to be unsatisfying just like all the rest since you're evaluating their worth to you by how well they perform up to your standards.

                  Be committal!

                  This is maybe THE best thing I have ever read on love; at least in regard to today's society and values.

                  I actually have copied this for my personal databank, to refer back to.

                  Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

                  Comment


                  • #10

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Here is a poem I wrote years ago, before my conversion, on the subject of love:

                      I'm so confused
                      What did I do?
                      The Bible says I'm evil
                      Have I lived most of my life
                      In the grips of the devil?
                      Why was this?
                      I think I know:
                      Insecurity had me in its throes
                      Love I was afraid to show
                      And so I lived in darkness

                      But what is evil?
                      Self esteem?
                      Following your heart felt dreams?
                      Surely God on glorious high
                      Takes no delight to see me cry
                      His love for me I must believe
                      Because of Him we were conceived
                      Love is where I long to be
                      And so live in His likeness

                      But what is love?
                      Does anyone know
                      Just what it is we're supposed to show?
                      What kind? How much? Where does love go?
                      Who determines our love's flow?
                      Are we really in control
                      When sitting at the wheel?
                      For reason still eludes me when
                      I think on how I feel
                      Are we the same? Are we to blame?
                      What forces shape our lives?
                      Science looks for answers while
                      Our spirits we deprive.



                      PS: I agree with your OP, OP :~)
                      For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.
                      The natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.
                      The Lord lives, and blessed be my rock, and exalted be my God, the rock of my salvation.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I've read worse.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by wiremu.white View Post
                          I've read worse.
                          I've written better
                          For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.
                          The natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.
                          The Lord lives, and blessed be my rock, and exalted be my God, the rock of my salvation.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I think love is special feeling which we have for some special person . Its all about care and thinking for others .

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              lol I was thinking of the What is Love song as well...

                              Love is patient and kind, love does not envy, love does not boast, it is not self-seeking, but seeks the well being of others. Love does not keep an account of wrong, Love does not rejoice in evil, but rejoices in the truth. Love always bears, always believes, always hopes, and always endures.

                              The world craves love, yet does not know what it is, therefore songs like What is Love are created.

                              But true love is not just an emotion, but character to be sought after and cultivated. It is first shown to us by God through his son Jesus Christ.

                              Comment

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