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  • HannahElizaW
    started a topic Is God "Still" Drawing Me?

    Is God "Still" Drawing Me?

    I've been stuck on this just as much as I've been stuck on the "do I have faith?" question. Is it common to feel split in half whether pre-salvation or just in general? Spiritually, I cannot make an ultimate decision and one thing I've been contemplating is whether God is truly calling me or not. Simply placing it, most questions to me are either a solid yes or a solid no. "Do you care about your salvation?" Yes!! No!! "Do you desire to follow Jesus?" Yes!!! No!!! ...I've posted similar dispositions so many times that I think a lot of people who've read my threads already get the gist.

    My main issue on points with this is that there are moments where the "No!" pretty much rules everything else out. I want God to draw me...and please take this seriously...my mom thinks I'm confused for asking that and my teacher (who's extremely Christian) blows it off as just another obscure question. I want the desires that other Christians have and I am being 100% honest...not the "fakes" who preach out loud just to make an impression. No, I want those desires, I just can't work up the desire and impulse to pray constantly like I used to. I mean...I'm weak. I am such a weak human being. An another person drew the conclusion that what I was asking for was God to just make me a puppet...which is...an interesting....interpretation...but I'm in a spot where I don't think I'm saved and now I don't think God is drawing me. I'm at war with my conscious, 'Do I wanna be saved?' Yes....no...? No sounds like a dimwitted answer but I'm guessing that it may fall under the "I just don't care" category and I think that's where I'm at.

    I have a psychological issue and this has been the forefront since last August. Now I've been told many times to go see a counselor but the last time I went they insisted that I should be taken to the ER immediately... I know I'm not too crazy, it's just when it comes to what happens after you die, your eternity spent in flames or in Holy grounds can kind of be important to take awareness of.

    It's easy to assume that the first few replies I'm going to get back from this are either "You wouldn't care if He wasn't drawing you!" or simply Philippians 1:6 which is nice and touching and quite generous 'n all; but I've heard it before. Now please don't be offended, my mind is sick...really sick...and when you're way more of an intellectual person, emotions seem kind of deluded and when you rely on your mind that feed's back and forth "I want to be saved!" "I don't give two s****!" "No, that's wrong! I need a Savior." "Life'll be too boring if I spend it following an invisible "Creator"." "I gotta read the Bible." "Ehhh...lame. It's boring anyway and God won't answer my prayers..." "Is God calling me?" "I doubt it..." day after day. I take medicine and the medicine won't work...someone tells me that the undesirable is not who I am and I get confused. There are moments where I even question if I'm being sincere or not? Am I putting my whole heart into it when I pray? I don't feel like I am. God doesn't send us a gift basket full of fruits with a Halmark card saying "Congrats, You're saved!" Written in cursive handwriting outlining the O's with hearts..no....and if He has then that person must be very lucky in His book..... There are moments where I just wanted to hit my head against something solid hard like a rock because I go through this every day. Wake up every morning "Gee, wanna work on that cool video project?" "No that's too much fun, I might sin and completely fall away from God". On *************** someone told me that my description made it look like I thought God was weak but from where I'm sitting I'm concerned if I'm in the same boat as the other "Christians" who maybe wear a cross necklace or maybe go to church when they have nothing else to do. But any reply please refer to it to the psychological division that I am going through. The "I want/don't want(or care) to be saved!"......that cycle.

  • Ansel07
    replied
    Originally posted by HannahElizaW View Post
    I've been stuck on this just as much as I've been stuck on the "do I have faith?" question. Is it common to feel split in half whether pre-salvation or just in general? Spiritually, I cannot make an ultimate decision and one thing I've been contemplating is whether God is truly calling me or not. Simply placing it, most questions to me are either a solid yes or a solid no. "Do you care about your salvation?" Yes!! No!! "Do you desire to follow Jesus?" Yes!!! No!!! ...I've posted similar dispositions so many times that I think a lot of people who've read my threads already get the gist.

    My main issue on points with this is that there are moments where the "No!" pretty much rules everything else out. I want God to draw me...and please take this seriously...my mom thinks I'm confused for asking that and my teacher (who's extremely Christian) blows it off as just another obscure question. I want the desires that other Christians have and I am being 100% honest...not the "fakes" who preach out loud just to make an impression. No, I want those desires, I just can't work up the desire and impulse to pray constantly like I used to. I mean...I'm weak. I am such a weak human being. An another person drew the conclusion that what I was asking for was God to just make me a puppet...which is...an interesting....interpretation...but I'm in a spot where I don't think I'm saved and now I don't think God is drawing me. I'm at war with my conscious, 'Do I wanna be saved?' Yes....no...? No sounds like a dimwitted answer but I'm guessing that it may fall under the "I just don't care" category and I think that's where I'm at.

    I have a psychological issue and this has been the forefront since last August. Now I've been told many times to go see a counselor but the last time I went they insisted that I should be taken to the ER immediately... I know I'm not too crazy, it's just when it comes to what happens after you die, your eternity spent in flames or in Holy grounds can kind of be important to take awareness of.

    It's easy to assume that the first few replies I'm going to get back from this are either "You wouldn't care if He wasn't drawing you!" or simply Philippians 1:6 which is nice and touching and quite generous 'n all; but I've heard it before. Now please don't be offended, my mind is sick...really sick...and when you're way more of an intellectual person, emotions seem kind of deluded and when you rely on your mind that feed's back and forth "I want to be saved!" "I don't give two s****!" "No, that's wrong! I need a Savior." "Life'll be too boring if I spend it following an invisible "Creator"." "I gotta read the Bible." "Ehhh...lame. It's boring anyway and God won't answer my prayers..." "Is God calling me?" "I doubt it..." day after day. I take medicine and the medicine won't work...someone tells me that the undesirable is not who I am and I get confused. There are moments where I even question if I'm being sincere or not? Am I putting my whole heart into it when I pray? I don't feel like I am. God doesn't send us a gift basket full of fruits with a Halmark card saying "Congrats, You're saved!" Written in cursive handwriting outlining the O's with hearts..no....and if He has then that person must be very lucky in His book..... There are moments where I just wanted to hit my head against something solid hard like a rock because I go through this every day. Wake up every morning "Gee, wanna work on that cool video project?" "No that's too much fun, I might sin and completely fall away from God". On *************** someone told me that my description made it look like I thought God was weak but from where I'm sitting I'm concerned if I'm in the same boat as the other "Christians" who maybe wear a cross necklace or maybe go to church when they have nothing else to do. But any reply please refer to it to the psychological division that I am going through. The "I want/don't want(or care) to be saved!"......that cycle.
    People who don't know Jesus Christ usually do not wonder if God is calling them. The fact that you are asking this could very well be that the Holy Spirit is drawing you. I would pray about that and ask God to show you what his will is for your life.

    If you believe Jesus died for your sins, that you are a sinner who cannot save yourself, then ask God to forgive you and find other like minded Christians to be friends with. Maybe start a Bible study in someone's home if you don't know what church to join.

    I have been a born again Christians for years, yet sometimes I wonder if I am truly saved. That's just satan trying to get us to doubt our salvation. This is when I read the bible and those passages of the apostle Paul and our assurance of salvation.

    God is many times silent in my life during those "wilderness" periods or dry spells when nohting seems to be happening. But that'doesn't mean God is idle.

    Leave a comment:


  • Jethro77
    replied
    Originally posted by HannahElizaW View Post

    Currently? No.
    Probably a good thing (that you said no).... Statistically that is.

    However, DO seek ecclesia no matter what area you live in, where you go, or when. Ecclesia are those who are truly called and chosen and born again new creatures totally different from all the other people of the world still.

    Seek YHVH'S Kingdom all the time, every day, all day and all night, 'forever'! His Kingdom Only (nothing of man, not of the world, nor any love of the world).

    Leave a comment:


  • Juliana Gerald
    replied
    I am sorry to see your post lately. I don't see your any further information from March, I would like to know if your question has been improved or solved, please kindly reply me. Hope I can help you, I will try.

    Leave a comment:


  • noemail001
    replied
    n>Good. Well done. Now, after reading in Jn 13-16, what connections do you see between what is in those 4 chapters and what you had expressed here, "When God seems silent. I pray daily..."Thanks. Let's talk more.

    Originally posted by HannahElizaW View Post
    When the disciples became sad when Jesus said He was leaving (in reference to His crucifixion). I have some admiration for how much they admired Jesus..if that's what you were asking
    n>Good. Thanks. I was only asking about your impressions, so thanks. I agree, the disciples were sad. I will also share some of my impressions. Jesus responded to their feelings, no? Jesus acknowledged the many issues, turmoils, conflicts, confusion, etc. in the disciples. He spoke about them. He offered His instructions to them about those feelings. Likewise, God (Father, Jesus, and Holy Spirit) are aware of your feelings and mine. God is anything but silent. He spoke and speaks. Right? Is that not some of what we see in those 4 chapters, and indeed in all of that Gospel? God sent His Son to express lots of things. God is not silent, even when we feel cut off or alone or abandoned (or whatever we are feeling). How do we know He did not leave us alone? Look in the text. That does not look like a God who leaves people alone. God relates to people. God wants a deep, close, personal, intimate relationship with people. Is that not some of what the text communicates? Do you not see yourself in there somewhere? In addition, see how Jesus communicated with His Father in Jn 17. Look at what Jesus says about His disciples.

    Your responses, please?
    .

    Leave a comment:


  • HannahElizaW
    replied
    Originally posted by noemail001 View Post
    Good. Well done. Now, after reading in Jn 13-16, what connections do you see between what is in those 4 chapters and what you had expressed here, "When God seems silent. I pray daily..."

    Thanks. Let's talk more.
    .
    When the disciples became sad when Jesus said He was leaving (in reference to His crucifixion). I have some admiration for how much they admired Jesus..if that's what you were asking

    Leave a comment:


  • noemail001
    replied
    Originally posted by HannahElizaW View Post
    Sure! I'm actually studying John and yesterday i finished John 13-16
    Good. Well done. Now, after reading in Jn 13-16, what connections do you see between what is in those 4 chapters and what you had expressed here, "When God seems silent. I pray daily..."

    Thanks. Let's talk more.
    .

    Leave a comment:


  • HannahElizaW
    replied
    Originally posted by noemail001 View Post
    Over on the other forum, you said:
    "When God seems silent. I pray daily. I read constantly. Yet i feel so out of it when it comes to God. I have bad thoughts and feelings about Christianity that I have but don't know why. So of course I come to God for help. But nothing seems to change so I've begun feeling weary of praying. I don't think I'm saved so I constantly pray for faith and a clean heart (Psalms 51:10) but...Gah! I don't know how to change! I have feelings like Christianity is a chore and i don't want to feel like that. I just want to change! But then i pray and then find myself blowing off time i should be studying on worldly things. I want to change! I want God to change me! I want to want to be saved! But I'm just sitting here with my hands up not knowing what to do. I AM FRUSTRATED!!! Why won't He change me?! What else do i have to do! I'm a real pain, i mean a reaaal pain but it's not like i can change with the snap of my fingers!? I have bad feelings and thoughts towards the Bible when i try to read so I'm never focused. When i pray i get the gut feeling that "this is just another prayer He won't answer!" I just wanna slam my fists against a wall!! I can't turn my back on Him but what do i do when i feel like He's turned His back on me?!"

    n>Want to talk about how those issues connect to your findings in John? I'd like to if you're open.
    Sure! I'm actually studying John and yesterday i finished John 13-16

    Leave a comment:


  • noemail001
    replied
    Over on the other forum, you said:
    "When God seems silent. I pray daily. I read constantly. Yet i feel so out of it when it comes to God. I have bad thoughts and feelings about Christianity that I have but don't know why. So of course I come to God for help. But nothing seems to change so I've begun feeling weary of praying. I don't think I'm saved so I constantly pray for faith and a clean heart (Psalms 51:10) but...Gah! I don't know how to change! I have feelings like Christianity is a chore and i don't want to feel like that. I just want to change! But then i pray and then find myself blowing off time i should be studying on worldly things. I want to change! I want God to change me! I want to want to be saved! But I'm just sitting here with my hands up not knowing what to do. I AM FRUSTRATED!!! Why won't He change me?! What else do i have to do! I'm a real pain, i mean a reaaal pain but it's not like i can change with the snap of my fingers!? I have bad feelings and thoughts towards the Bible when i try to read so I'm never focused. When i pray i get the gut feeling that "this is just another prayer He won't answer!" I just wanna slam my fists against a wall!! I can't turn my back on Him but what do i do when i feel like He's turned His back on me?!"

    n>Want to talk about how those issues connect to your findings in John? I'd like to if you're open.
    Last edited by noemail001; 03-29-15, 05:26 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • noemail001
    replied
    That is great! Regarding your examination/evaluation of your faith -- as faith (the Greek is usually translated as a form of "believe" or "belief") is described in John -- what have you discovered? Any particular lessons or passages or examples stand out to you?
    Last edited by noemail001; 03-23-15, 09:58 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • HannahElizaW
    replied
    Originally posted by noemail001 View Post
    Have you read the Gospel of John recently?
    Yes. It's the first Book I got into. I'm currently at John 13.

    Leave a comment:


  • noemail001
    replied
    Have you read the Gospel of John recently?

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Originally posted by HannahElizaW View Post
    Joy?...well....I tend to imagine myself as a philanthropist when I get older...I'm going into the local business college for a double degree in International Business BBA and a MBA in Accounting which of course is fluxed around money...but I enjoy linguistics and the study of it. What brings me joy is typically helping people out in ways they wouldn't expect it. I, by no means, intend to brag but I enjoy a lot of the kind acts I do. Like this one time, this sophomore at my high school started crying in the middle of lunch. I mean all the waterworks...and what was interesting was that morning I had brought a $10 for my lunch but wanted to spend some of it on these candy bars ($1 per bar) and the girl who was selling them couldn't break my ten so I wound up walking around the school with ten chocolate bars...by the time it got to lunch I was down to only one left so when the girl started crying, it was some instinct to go give it to her, but she stormed off into the restrooms...so I walked up to her lunch table set the chocolate bar on her bag and looked her friend dead in the eye and told her it was for her (the girl who was crying). I think being a philanthropist would be fun/awesome/cool. Like those videos where these people have little to no money but then a stranger comes up to them and offers to buy all of their groceries. Like that would be cool. I'd wear a costume so nobody knows who it was...helping/giving is my joy... sometimes I find joy in linguistics or music but it's kinda hard to keep a smile off my face when you helo someone out like that...
    Btw Hannah I've noticed on more than one occasion now that the threads you create aren't accessible. If this isn't your intention something must be wrong with the settings.

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Originally posted by HannahElizaW View Post
    Joy?...well....I tend to imagine myself as a philanthropist when I get older...I'm going into the local business college for a double degree in International Business BBA and a MBA in Accounting which of course is fluxed around money...but I enjoy linguistics and the study of it. What brings me joy is typically helping people out in ways they wouldn't expect it. I, by no means, intend to brag but I enjoy a lot of the kind acts I do. Like this one time, this sophomore at my high school started crying in the middle of lunch. I mean all the waterworks...and what was interesting was that morning I had brought a $10 for my lunch but wanted to spend some of it on these candy bars ($1 per bar) and the girl who was selling them couldn't break my ten so I wound up walking around the school with ten chocolate bars...by the time it got to lunch I was down to only one left so when the girl started crying, it was some instinct to go give it to her, but she stormed off into the restrooms...so I walked up to her lunch table set the chocolate bar on her bag and looked her friend dead in the eye and told her it was for her (the girl who was crying). I think being a philanthropist would be fun/awesome/cool. Like those videos where these people have little to no money but then a stranger comes up to them and offers to buy all of their groceries. Like that would be cool. I'd wear a costume so nobody knows who it was...helping/giving is my joy... sometimes I find joy in linguistics or music but it's kinda hard to keep a smile off my face when you helo someone out like that...
    That's great you enjoy helping people! The Christian life is about helping people so stuff like this shows God is still drawing you. Hannah the philanthropist. Thank you for sharing that story. It was nice of you to give your last chocolate bar to that girl. It was God's will. Giving is gratifying. Keep it up!

    Leave a comment:


  • HannahElizaW
    replied
    Originally posted by Joe O View Post
    Oh ok. Joy helps me. We're similar so I think it'll help you too. I like your signature btw. What brings you joy if you don't mind me asking?
    Joy?...well....I tend to imagine myself as a philanthropist when I get older...I'm going into the local business college for a double degree in International Business BBA and a MBA in Accounting which of course is fluxed around money...but I enjoy linguistics and the study of it. What brings me joy is typically helping people out in ways they wouldn't expect it. I, by no means, intend to brag but I enjoy a lot of the kind acts I do. Like this one time, this sophomore at my high school started crying in the middle of lunch. I mean all the waterworks...and what was interesting was that morning I had brought a $10 for my lunch but wanted to spend some of it on these candy bars ($1 per bar) and the girl who was selling them couldn't break my ten so I wound up walking around the school with ten chocolate bars...by the time it got to lunch I was down to only one left so when the girl started crying, it was some instinct to go give it to her, but she stormed off into the restrooms...so I walked up to her lunch table set the chocolate bar on her bag and looked her friend dead in the eye and told her it was for her (the girl who was crying). I think being a philanthropist would be fun/awesome/cool. Like those videos where these people have little to no money but then a stranger comes up to them and offers to buy all of their groceries. Like that would be cool. I'd wear a costume so nobody knows who it was...helping/giving is my joy... sometimes I find joy in linguistics or music but it's kinda hard to keep a smile off my face when you helo someone out like that...

    Leave a comment:

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