Christopher Hitchens, Bertrand Russell and Voltaire have a conversation

[stiggy wiggy]

Chris: "I deconverted more people than you guys combined."

Bert: "But I kept more from converting than you two combined."

Voltaire: "But you fellows don't have a pithy saying for which you are famous."

Chris: "But your saying was poppycock (that's British for bs). Why would you defend to the death the right to espouse Christian nonsense? Now that you ARE dead, would you still do it? Would you defend my brother?"

Bert: "Your brother will soon retract his nonsense once he gets down here."

Voltaire, after taking another sip of coffee: "But I say, have you noticed the absence down here of those who espouse your brother's beliefs, Chris? You don't suppose they might have been on to something?"

Bert: "Of course not. You're not starting to give credence to that nonsense, are you? Remember my powerful teapot analogy?"

Chris: "I hate the way the behemoth feces swirls around our ankles."

A CHILLING SATANIC VOICE COMES OVER THE LOUDSPEAKER:

"All right, coffee break is over, back to your headstands!"

Voltaire: "Just as my brown powdered wig was starting to dry out."

 

[TeabagSalad]

Ah, the old "believe as I do or suffer for all eternity!" It's an empty threat that really only works on children.

 

[Komodo]

So a Christian walks into an apologetics forum and shows that, like pretty much every functioning adult in every world religion, he's capable of concocting a fantasy in which the people he hates (because they, in turn, hated his religion) get placed in a river of feces.

What's the punch line?

 

[stiggy wiggy]

What's the punch line?

There's not one. No punch is being served in hell, so no line to get some. Just these five minute, once a decade coffee breaks.

 

[Tiburon]

There's not one. No punch is being served in hell, so no line to get some. Just these five minute, once a decade coffee breaks.

Any Biblical support for there being coffee breaks in hell?

 

[The Pixie]

...

A CHILLING SATANIC VOICE COMES OVER THE LOUDSPEAKER:
...

So is Satan torturing them under God's orders? That is, are they being punished for disobeying God, and God has got Satan to do the dirty work?

Or is God just turning a blind eye to this evil?

 

[Komodo]

There's not one. No punch is being served in hell, so no line to get some. Just these five minute, once a decade coffee breaks.

Or maybe there is punch, but since it's made from the fruit of the spirit of CARM Christians it's so bitter and sour the damned would rather drink their own piss.

 

[stiggy wiggy]

Any Biblical support for there being coffee breaks in hell?

No, nor do I have animal psychology support for the chicken who crossed the street being motivated by a desire to get to the other side.

 

[stiggy wiggy]

So is Satan torturing them under God's orders?

I don't think he's the kind of guy who is obedient to God.

That is, are they being punished for disobeying God, ..

If a man drowns after refusing to grab hold of a lifeguard's hand is he being punished for that refusal?

You atheists need to lighten up. Tell me if you need to see Foghorn Leghorn again.

 

[stiggy wiggy]

Or maybe there is punch, but since it's made from the fruit of the spirit of CARM Christians .........

Man, that's a stretch. Not exactly Norm MacDonald, are you?

 

[The Pixie]

I don't think he's the kind of guy who is obedient to God.

Okay, but I am asking about God, not Satan. Does God want Satan to torture these poor people?

Or is God powerless to stop him?

If a man drowns after refusing to grab hold of a lifeguard's hand is he being punished for that refusal?

So God is offering a hand to take them out of hell, no conditions attached, like a lifeguard?

Or is this God saying, I will rescue you, but only if you then worship me? Because if it is that, it looks like God is complicit here. Satan is, perhaps unwittingly, doing God a service by punishing those who fail to love God.

You atheists need to lighten up. ...

You started a thread about people being tortured for decades. You think that is something to be light-hearted about?

 

[stiggy wiggy]

Okay, but I am asking about God, not Satan. Does God want Satan to torture these poor people?

Well, He once had His apostle Paul hand a guy who was having sex with his own mother-in-law over to Satan "for the destruction of his flesh." Now that He conquered Satan at Calvary, He finds him to be a useful tool.

So God is offering a hand to take them out of hell, no conditions attached, like a lifeguard?

YES! By George, I think you might finally be learning something after all these years.

Or is this God saying, I will rescue you, but only if you then worship me?

Bummer, and you were doing so well there.

Because if it is that, ....

It's not.

You started a thread about people being tortured for decades. You think that is something to be light-hearted about?

I'm pretty much light hearted about everything these days. Hey, maybe I should change my CARM name to "LightheartedChristian." Let me try that out now:

Okie dokey. I love empirical evidence. Thanks for the chat.

Nah, I'll stick with stiiggywiggy. This place ain't big enough for two light hearts.

 

[The Pixie]

Well, He once had His apostle Paul hand a guy who was having sex with his own mother-in-law over to Satan "for the destruction of his flesh." Now that He conquered Satan at Calvary, He finds him to be a useful tool.

Right. God uses Satan to torture billions of people for decades to punish them for not loving him.

I see no moral difference between God doing it and God getting Satan to do his dirty work for him.

So God is offering a hand to take them out of hell, no conditions attached, like a lifeguard?

YES! By George, I think you might finally be learning something after all these years.

If it is no conditions attached, I am happy to take it.

Bummer, and you were doing so well there.

What is your point?

 

[stiggy wiggy]

Right. God uses Satan to torture billions of people for decades to punish them for not loving him.

Yeah, I'm guessing that he, being as deceived as you, probably DOE think that's the reason.

I see no moral difference between God doing it and God getting Satan to do his dirty work for him.

Probably because there's not one.

If it is no conditions attached, I am happy to take it.

HALLELUIAH! Now let Him know that.

 

[The Pixie]

Yeah, I'm guessing that he, being as deceived as you, probably DOE think that's the reason.

Are you saying that that is not the case?

Do some people go to hell as a punishment?

Are some people punished in hell for the sin of not loving God?

Do please enlighten me, stiggy wiggy.

Probably because there's not one.

Great, we agree on that.

HALLELUIAH! Now let Him know that.

I thought he was all knowing. Are you saying there are things he does not know? Can he not even read posts on CARM?

 

[stiggy wiggy]

Are you saying that that is not the case?

Yep.

Do some people go to hell as a punishment?

Yep, remedial.

Are some people punished in hell for the sin of not loving God?

Nah.

Do please enlighten me, stiggy wiggy

About what?

.I thought he was all knowing.

You thought right.

Are you saying there are things he does not know?

Nope. He knows everything. Specifically in this case He knows if you're going to accept His unconditional offer.

Can he not even read posts on CARM?

Why would think something so stupid?

 

[Howie]

Or maybe there is punch, but since it's made from the fruit of the spirit of CARM Christians it's so bitter and sour the damned would rather drink their own piss.

You sound bitter and sour.

 

[Tiburon]

If a man drowns after refusing to grab hold of a lifeguard's hand is he being punished for that refusal?

The lifeguard is the one who threw him in the water.

 

[stiggy wiggy]

The lifeguard is the one who threw him in the water.

No. That is obviously not true. If the lifeguard had thrown him into the water, he would hardly be trying to save him. Logic is not your thing, is it?

 

[Tiburon]

No. That is obviously not true. If the lifeguard had thrown him into the water, he would hardly be trying to save him. Logic is not your thing, is it?

Why would he try to save him? He's trying to make himself look good. Similarly your God is trying to save us from a situation of his making.