Assertiveness and Christianity = a contradiction?

[Vladimir]

There is a Bill of Assertive Rights, in a book titled "When I say "NO" I feel guilty" by Manuel J Smith.

“A BILL OF ASSERTIVE RIGHTS​

​

I: You have the right to judge your own behavior, thoughts, and emotions, and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon yourself.​

​

II: You have the right to offer no reasons or excuses for justifying your behavior.​

​

III: You have the right to judge if you are responsible for finding solutions to other people’s problems.​

​

IV: You have the right to change your mind.​

​

V: You have the right to make mistakes—and be responsible for them.​

​

VI: You have the right to say, “I don’t know.”​

​

VII: You have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others before coping with them.​

​

VIII: You have the right to be illogical in making decisions.​

​

IX: You have the right to say, “I don’t understand.”​

​

X: You have the right to say, “I don’t care.”​

​

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO, WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY”​

― Manuel J. Smith, When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope - Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy

As I read this, I realized how contrary this is to the teachings of Jesus and Christian faith.

God/Jesus is the Judge, you are just a servant who must follow the Bible (as interpreted by the theologians/church leaders, or else, prepared to face severe consequences.)

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Matt. 16:24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wants to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and be following Me.

Philipians 2:3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

How can you be assertive if you are to not trust your own understanding, to deny yourself, and to value others ABOVE yourself?

Heb. 13:17 Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. Do this so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you.

I think this pastor gets the Bible. But then, how can one be assertive when they have been brought up following the Bible as best as they can, and taught to question themselves before doubting the Bible?

 

[Mike McK]

There is a Bill of Assertive Rights, in a book titled "When I say "NO" I feel guilty" by Manuel J Smith.

“A BILL OF ASSERTIVE RIGHTS​

​

I: You have the right to judge your own behavior, thoughts, and emotions, and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon yourself.​

​

II: You have the right to offer no reasons or excuses for justifying your behavior.​

​

III: You have the right to judge if you are responsible for finding solutions to other people’s problems.​

​

IV: You have the right to change your mind.​

​

V: You have the right to make mistakes—and be responsible for them.​

​

VI: You have the right to say, “I don’t know.”​

​

VII: You have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others before coping with them.​

​

VIII: You have the right to be illogical in making decisions.​

​

IX: You have the right to say, “I don’t understand.”​

​

X: You have the right to say, “I don’t care.”​

​

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO, WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY”​

― Manuel J. Smith, When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope - Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy

As I read this, I realized how contrary this is to the teachings of Jesus and Christian faith.

God/Jesus is the Judge, you are just a servant who must follow the Bible (as interpreted by the theologians/church leaders, or else, prepared to face severe consequences.)

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Matt. 16:24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wants to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and be following Me.

Philipians 2:3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

How can you be assertive if you are to not trust your own understanding, to deny yourself, and to value others ABOVE yourself?

Heb. 13:17 Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. Do this so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you.

I think this pastor gets the Bible. But then, how can one be assertive when they have been brought up following the Bible as best as they can, and taught to question themselves before doubting the Bible?

Merriam-Webster defines assertive as:

assertive​

adjective​

as·ser·tive ə-ˈsər-tiv
a-

Synonyms of assertive
1
: disposed to or characterized by bold or confident statements and behavior
an assertive leader

I see no contradiction between this and the BIble.

 

[Vladimir]

I see no contradiction between this and the BIble.

the Bible tells people to submit to the authority. Church Authority, Government Authority, etc... Lean not on your own understanding. What kind of a leader is someone who follows the Bible to a T?
Look at the point I on the Assertive Bill of Rights. You have the right to judge your own behavior. That doesn't follow the Bible. God is the judge, and you are to submit to God and do what he wants you to do, even if you don't feel like, even if you disagree or have other ideas. Am I wrong?

 

[Bob Carabbio]

the Bible tells people to submit to the authority. Church Authority, Government Authority, etc... Lean not on your own understanding. What kind of a leader is someone who follows the Bible to a T?
Look at the point I on the Assertive Bill of Rights. You have the right to judge your own behavior. That doesn't follow the Bible. God is the judge, and you are to submit to God and do what he wants you to do, even if you don't feel like, even if you disagree or have other ideas. Am I wrong?

The early disciples WERE NOT OBEDIENT to "authority", but they did "Submit to it" (which is why they landed in jail).

 

[Mike McK]

the Bible tells people to submit to the authority. Church Authority, Government Authority, etc... Lean not on your own understanding. What kind of a leader is someone who follows the Bible to a T?

Again, you still haven't demonstrated how this contradicts Merriam-Websters' definition of assertiveness, and you still have not demonstrated that you understand, or care for, the context of these Biblical commands.

Look at the point I on the Assertive Bill of Rights.

Don't care. That's somebody's opinion about assertiveness. I'm not interested in having to justify Christianity against somebody's opinion.

You have the right to judge your own behavior. That doesn't follow the Bible.

Your ignorance is duly noted. The Bible regularly tells us to search ourselves, to examine ourselves, to see if we are in the faith, to see if there is sin in our heart.

God is the judge, and you are to submit to God and do what he wants you to do, even if you don't feel like, even if you disagree or have other ideas. Am I wrong?

Yes, that is true.

And yes, because you do not take context into account, you are also wrong in your conclusion.

 

[Torin]

@Vladimir, you do not define assertiveness in your OP. However, you write:

"VIII: You have the right to be illogical in making decisions."

How Christian that is!

I think this is a very bad account of assertiveness. It's just saying that you are assertive if you do whatever you want, which is destructive and leads to bad decision, a lack of standards, and a lack of self esteem.

 

[Mike McK]

@Vladimir, you do not define assertiveness in your OP. However, you write:

"VIII: You have the right to be illogical in making decisions."

How Christian that is!

I think this is a very bad account of assertiveness. It's just saying that you are assertive if you do whatever you want, which is destructive and leads to bad decision, a lack of standards, and a lack of self esteem.

That's why I went to Merriam-Webster and didn't accept this person's opinion.

 

[5wize]

There is a Bill of Assertive Rights, in a book titled "When I say "NO" I feel guilty" by Manuel J Smith.

“A BILL OF ASSERTIVE RIGHTS​

​

I: You have the right to judge your own behavior, thoughts, and emotions, and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon yourself.​

​

II: You have the right to offer no reasons or excuses for justifying your behavior.​

​

III: You have the right to judge if you are responsible for finding solutions to other people’s problems.​

​

IV: You have the right to change your mind.​

​

V: You have the right to make mistakes—and be responsible for them.​

​

VI: You have the right to say, “I don’t know.”​

​

VII: You have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others before coping with them.​

​

VIII: You have the right to be illogical in making decisions.​

​

IX: You have the right to say, “I don’t understand.”​

​

X: You have the right to say, “I don’t care.”​

​

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO, WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY”​

― Manuel J. Smith, When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope - Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy

As I read this, I realized how contrary this is to the teachings of Jesus and Christian faith.

God/Jesus is the Judge, you are just a servant who must follow the Bible (as interpreted by the theologians/church leaders, or else, prepared to face severe consequences.)

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Matt. 16:24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wants to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and be following Me.

Philipians 2:3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

How can you be assertive if you are to not trust your own understanding, to deny yourself, and to value others ABOVE yourself?

Heb. 13:17 Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. Do this so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you.

I think this pastor gets the Bible. But then, how can one be assertive when they have been brought up following the Bible as best as they can, and taught to question themselves before doubting the Bible?

The word you are looking for isn’t assertive. It’s accountable. The argument being we are not vicariously absolved of anything we do by the payment, servitude, or the death of another.

Another point you seem to be trying to make is that we don’t need transcendent instruction to objectify know right from wrong in our interactions.

 

[SteveB]

There is a Bill of Assertive Rights, in a book titled "When I say "NO" I feel guilty" by Manuel J Smith.

“A BILL OF ASSERTIVE RIGHTS​

​

I: You have the right to judge your own behavior, thoughts, and emotions, and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon yourself.​

​

II: You have the right to offer no reasons or excuses for justifying your behavior.​

​

III: You have the right to judge if you are responsible for finding solutions to other people’s problems.​

​

IV: You have the right to change your mind.​

​

V: You have the right to make mistakes—and be responsible for them.​

​

VI: You have the right to say, “I don’t know.”​

​

VII: You have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others before coping with them.​

​

VIII: You have the right to be illogical in making decisions.​

​

IX: You have the right to say, “I don’t understand.”​

​

X: You have the right to say, “I don’t care.”​

​

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO, WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY”​

― Manuel J. Smith, When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope - Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy

As I read this, I realized how contrary this is to the teachings of Jesus and Christian faith.

God/Jesus is the Judge, you are just a servant who must follow the Bible (as interpreted by the theologians/church leaders, or else, prepared to face severe consequences.)

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Matt. 16:24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wants to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and be following Me.

Philipians 2:3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

How can you be assertive if you are to not trust your own understanding, to deny yourself, and to value others ABOVE yourself?

Heb. 13:17 Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. Do this so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you.

I think this pastor gets the Bible. But then, how can one be assertive when they have been brought up following the Bible as best as they can, and taught to question themselves before doubting the Bible?

Regarding assertiveness...

There's a difference between selfishness and Confidence in YHVH.

It's also written in Isaiah 30:15, and then in 32:17

Isa 30:15 WEB For thus said the Lord Yahweh, the Holy One of Israel, “You will be saved in returning and rest. Your strength will be in quietness and in confidence.” You refused,

Isa 32:17 WEB The work of righteousness will be peace, and the effect of righteousness, quietness and confidence forever.



One of the truly awesome things is that according to 1 John 2,

1Jn 2:28 KJV And now, little children, abide in him; that, when he shall appear, we may have confidence, and not be ashamed before him at his coming.

This is what YHVH offers to all who trust in Jesus.

A cleansed conscience, genuine righteousness, and confidence in him, giving us peace with YHVH.

Rom 5:1-2 WEB 1 Being therefore justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ; 2 through whom we also have our access by faith into this grace in which we stand. We rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

Isa 54:17 WEB No weapon that is formed against you will prevail; and you will condemn every tongue that rises against you in judgment. This is the heritage of Yahweh’s servants, and their righteousness is of me,” says Yahweh.

2Co 5:21 WEB For him who knew no sin he made to be sin on our behalf, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

 

[Howie]

the Bible tells people to submit to the authority. Church Authority, Government Authority, etc... Lean not on your own understanding. What kind of a leader is someone who follows the Bible to a T?
Look at the point I on the Assertive Bill of Rights. You have the right to judge your own behavior. That doesn't follow the Bible. God is the judge, and you are to submit to God and do what he wants you to do, even if you don't feel like, even if you disagree or have other ideas. Am I wrong?

As Bob Dylan said, "you're gonna to have serve somebody."

You're deceiving yourself if you think you're not serving somebody.

 

[Tiburon]

the Bible tells people to submit to the authority. Church Authority, Government Authority, etc... Lean not on your own understanding. What kind of a leader is someone who follows the Bible to a T?
Look at the point I on the Assertive Bill of Rights. You have the right to judge your own behavior. That doesn't follow the Bible. God is the judge, and you are to submit to God and do what he wants you to do, even if you don't feel like, even if you disagree or have other ideas. Am I wrong?

You still have to judge your own behavior and whether it aligns with God.

 

[Authentic Nouveau]

Goliath had an experience with assertive David.

 

[Authentic Nouveau]

the Bible tells people to submit to the authority. Church Authority, Government Authority, etc... Lean not on your own understanding. What kind of a leader is someone who follows the Bible to a T?

So you say assertive will disobey authority?

Look at the point I on the Assertive Bill of Rights.

You have the right to judge your own behavior. That doesn't follow the Bible. God is the judge, and you are to submit to God and do what he wants you to do, even if you don't feel like, even if you disagree or have other ideas. Am I wrong?

No Bible verses?

Jonah was reluctant to be assertive.

 

[Vladimir]

So you say assertive will disobey authority?

Mainly I was suggesting assertive people will not follow some Bible teachings such as prohibition on relying on own understanding and a call to value others higher than one self

Philipians 2:3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

So, instead of focusing the Bible, and/or Bible teachers and pastors who will be quick to explain to you what you should and should not do, an assertive person will be guided by own principles and desires.

 

[Harry Leggs]

So, instead of focusing the Bible, and/or Bible teachers and pastors who will be quick to explain to you what you should and should not do, an assertive person will be guided by own principles and desires.

Which is consistent with Godlessness and approved by Jeffery Dahmer (Mr Hyde version) so to speak. Jeff did his own thing per his desires and principles of moral relativism.