When She's Not Your BFF

[Dant01]

.
● Eph 5:25-27 . . Husbands love your wives

The Greek verb translated "love" in that passage is from agapao (ag-ap-ah'-o)
which is an easy kind of love to practice because it's more about benevolence
than affection. Agapao-- unlike phileo (fil-eh'-o) --doesn't require that we like
people or be fond of them.

Examples of agapao are: kindness, courtesy, greetings, civility, loyalty,
charity, thoughtfulness, sympathy, lenience, tolerance, patience, long
suffering, deference, hospitality, generosity, etc.

This is very fortunate because some wives are impossible to like. However,
the command to love one's enemies also applies in a husband's relationship
with a difficult woman who's just as much his enemy as any other.
_

 

[Dant01]

.
● Eph 5:28-33a . . Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own
body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- for we
are members of his body.

. . . For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to
his wife, and the two will become one flesh. That's a profound mystery-- but
I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also
must love his wife as he loves himself,

That, of course, is a practical application of the so-called golden rule; which
first shows up in the Bible at Lev 19:18, is applied at Lev 19:34, and
reiterated at Matt 7:12 and Luke 6:31.

The opposite of the golden rule would be for a husband to do unto his wife
the very things that he does not enjoy being done to himself; either by word
or by deed.

I'm not a qualified marriage counselor, but in my unprofessional opinion,
were couples to practice the golden rule in their association with each other,
it would go a long ways towards preventing their relationship from becoming
a cold war instead of a home.

There are toxic wives out there who do not deserve their husband's
affections; and in fact have done all in their power to destroy them.
Nevertheless, it is his Christian duty to continue looking after her, and to
treat her well as if his very life depended upon it in spite of the fact that she
may be someone he deeply regrets courting.
_

 

[Dant01]

.
● 1Pet 3:7a . . Give honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel,

NOTE: Although husbands are superior in a Christian marriage, their position
doesn't grant them carte blanch to mistreat their wives any more than Jesus
has carte blanch to mistreat his church. (cf. Eph 5:28-30)

The Greek word for "honor" basically means: a value, i.e. money paid.

The word for "weaker" basically means: having no strength, i.e. fragile.

And the word for "vessel" basically indicates anything from a soup bowl to a
cardboard box; in other words: a container.

Peter isn't saying women are physically weaker than men; but that Christian
husbands should exercise the same care with their wives as they would a
fragile antique worth thousands of dollars like, say, a Ming vase. Nobody in
their right mind handles a Ming vase like a farmer handles a 5-gallon bucket.
Not that some women couldn't take that kind of handling; it's just that its
unbecoming for a Christian man to lack sensitivity.

This particular assessed value isn't an intrinsic value, nor is it a deserved
value either; but rather, it's a gratuitous value. In other words: Christ
commands Christian husbands to categorize their wives up there with
Dresden china even if she's as tough as a female cop and/or a UFC mixed
martial artist the likes of Rhonda Rousey-- and this is not a choice; no, it
isn't optional; it's required.

Christian husbands who treat their Skil saws and their tomato plants with
more care and concern than they treat their wives can just forget about
associating with God on any meaningful level.

● 1Pet 3:7b . . as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers
be not hindered.

Note the word "together" which is quite the opposite of autonomy and/or
independence.

Couples sometimes assert themselves with words like "What I do is between
me and The Lord." No; marriage changes everything between one's self and
The Lord because people become one flesh in marriage: no longer two
sovereign individuals.
_

 

[Dant01]

.
My favorite husband in the Bible has to be Jacob ben Isaac.

When it came time to break off his association with uncle Laban, Jacob called his
two wives Leah and Rachel out to a private place to discuss with them his reasons
for wanting to pack up and move back home.

You know; Jacob didn't have to do that. In the culture of that day and age, and in
that region, husbands were monarchs. Had he wanted, Jacob could've just simply
announced the move instead of talking it over with Leah and Rachel and they
would've been expected to cooperate.

Jacob also could've invoked Yahweh's edict, which says:

"Your husband . . he shall rule over you."

But rulers aren't required to be thoughtless beasts like North Korea's Kim Jong-un.
They're allowed to be reasonable men who make an effort to govern with the best
interests of their people at heart instead of their own. (cf. 2Sam 23:3-4) I would
definitely put Jacob in the "reasonable men" category
_

 

[caris_mere]

Those are the expectations. What advice do you give to someone who is in that situation, as it doesn't come naturally, as with the saw and tomato plants?

 

[Dant01]

.

What advice do you give to someone who is in that situation, as it doesn't come naturally, as with
the saw and tomato plants?

I probably should've made it clear from the very beginning that the instructions I'm
relating herein are limited to Christian husbands with access to God's providence.
My bad.
_

 

[Dant01]

.
Prior to my wife's conversion, she was a feminist. But you'd never guess because
Christianity has been remarkably thorough in breaking that movement's hold on her
thinking and on the way she associated with men.

Ironically; I was a hard-core misogynist prior to my own conversion and was
convinced I could never be happy with any woman. But 44+ years of marriage to
the former feminist girl I live with has proven me mistaken. viz: we've both
benefited tremendously from Christianity, most especially from Rom 8:11 which
says:

"If the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, He who raised
Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His spirit, who
lives in you."

Now; that passage may seem to be talking about characteristics pertaining to one's
resurrected body, but it actually pertains to their mortal body. So then folks who
start out in a deplorable spiritual condition really ought to be experiencing
improvements from time to time. Maybe they won't notice, but others who've
known them for an extended period should very definitely be impressed.

● 1Tim 4:15 . . Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that
everyone may see your progress.

Well; if not impressed then at least curious.

● John 3:6-8 . . Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit . . .The
wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it
comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.

Back in the last century, I worked twelve years in a boatyard located on Shelter
Island San Diego. After about ten years there, and by then well-known as a
woman-hating loner, I realized that I wanted to be a daddy. So I bought some
decent clothes, repaired my car, joined a massive single's group in a church located
in Spring Valley, and started looking for a spouse.

Well; the supervisor became very curious about my attitude adjustment and
wanted to know what I was doing to cause it. I replied that people were praying for
me. Well; that was true, but it wasn't the whole truth. I was also leaning upon Rom 8:11
but I couldn't tell him that because he was mostly secular and would never buy into it.
_